the search for love
by Rima Akien
Summary: tohru must forget them? would momiji ever be able to live his happily ever after without tohru,? or can he tell her what he has always felt for her? that he has always loved her.
1. Chapter 1: all those painful memories

_**DISCLAIMER: I do not own anything relating to fruba. The only thing I own is the plot.**_

_**Please review**_

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**I sat there all glum, because I just couldn't stand not to be. My blond bangs covered my eyes as I closed them but I knew all to well that sleep would not come soon. I went around with my mask of pure happiness whenever I was with someone; anyone at all. The only time it was not in place was that first week, but no one ever talks about that. It has been about a year now since Tohru's memory was erased.**

**It's what really brought every one of us crashing down to earth. We all thought we had found the one that would accept us no matter what, but we lost her. Thanks to Akito…or was it me? Akito saw how heavy our love for Tohru was in each of our hearts. But then she cracked. And she cracked because I was stupid and reckless. How could I just say that I loved Tohru with all my heart to Akito? Even when I knew she might do something horrible to her. I had to be the cause of it all. And now I could see all those painful memories replaying through my mind wherever I go.**

**Yeah, I was right, I really**_** am**_** stupid. And now that I'm alone I just can't seem to get those painful memories of that day to leave me alone while I rest. Not that I actually slept much nowadays.**

**That day wasn't so long after my curse was broken. I swore to Akito that I wouldn't tell any of the other zodiacs that my curse was broken, so instead of finally being able to stay away from Akito I had to accompany them to see her with the others. Of course I thought she wouldn't want to see me, but I should've known better. I was the first person Akito asked to see. And as soon as I walked in I knew something was bound to happen.**

"_**So my lost rabbit how are you, now that you're free?"**_

**I could feel my blood boiling. I didn't like to be called **_**the rabbit**_** anymore. But I just stared blankly, the way I knew she hated.**

"_**Don't stare at me with those eyes, Momitchi! Don't you understand?! I still rule over you. You still have the Sohma blood, so I still rule over you!"**_

**I didn't faze. I wasn't bound to this weak creature anymore. I could be myself without worrying about those voices in the back of my mind. I am just me, Momiji Sohma. And that's all I wanted to be. No matter what had happened in the past. Because each and every decision brought me to the one I loved. The one I loved so much.**

"_**No, you don't Akito. I don't need you anymore. I won't live the rest of my life in your chains after I was finally freed."**_

**My voice stayed flat but yet firm, and that angered Akito even more.**

"_**So you're going to run off into the sunset with the one you love? You're just going to abandon the rest of us. You can't go back. You have nothing to go back to. Your family won't take you back now. And you could never fit in with us again. So what will you do? Die alone? I think that's your best option"**_

**Akito's voice was venomous and the insult had burned more then it probably should have. My vision turned red and the only thing I could see was Akito, my target.**

"_**That's better off then being your prisoner! And you know what? I'll prove to you that I won't die alone! I **_**will**_** run off in the sunset with the one I love! And I'll happily leave you behind! And sure enough the rest of them will join me soon! So hold your tongue, because nothing can hold me back now if I wanted to kill you! "**_

**I knew I should have stopped there. But like I said I am stupid. After seeing the astonished look on Akito's face I wanted to do everything to put myself far above her.**

"_**Everyone hates you! No one really loves you! You aren't needed! In fact everyone would be better off **_**without**_** you!!!!"**_

"_**You think you can call me insignificant?! Why, I bet you don't even know if your so called love loves you back because you're pathetic in that way!!!!"**_

"_**I don't care. I love Tohru with all my heart. And I know that if it was meant to be she would return these feeling."**_

**With that I mentally slapped myself. That was when my vision returned and I realized what I had just done, what I had just said. But that didn't matter anymore. I could see the fires burning within Akito's eyes. She was going for blood. And I knew it wasn't me that she sought. No she sought a much more helpless innocent creature: Tohru. Then before I knew it I heard Akito scream a screeching sound. Everything seemed to go in fast forward after that. Shigure and Hatori yanked me out of the room. Thinking I was the one that Akito was going to attack. Kureno came in to settle Akito down.**

**The zodiac was forced to stay in the house as Kureno and Akito took a walk to calm her down. Everyone could see my concern. It was practically stamped on my forehead in bold letters. But no one knew why, no one but me. And it drove me to no end of insanity. Tohru was at Shigure's house all alone. I knew Akito was headed straight over there. But no one would allow me to go. Thinking Akito would actually hurt me. No one even thought of my dear Tohru at the house all by herself. Helpless. **

"_**Jeez you little runt, can you sit down already? Your pacing is getting on my nerves."**_

**I turned to face Kyo to answer his stupid remark. And then I snapped. Why were he and Yuki still here? They were always so protective of Tohru. Why were they here not even having a clue. Why was I still here?**

"_**You know what?! You and that rat are idiots! I'm leaving!!!!"**_

**With that I dashed out the room filled with all those gaping people that stared after me. Not one of them could think of what to do or really register to their minds **_**to do anything**_**. And I don't blame them. That was the first time I had ever snapped like that in public. And even though over the next week I would have made up for all those times, and even get a head start on the future, I couldn't concentrate on the people in the room that I was leaving. I was solely focused on getting to her. To help Tohru because all these blind morons couldn't see the trap. **

**But I was too late. When I got there Akito was already gone, heading back to the main house in a different direction. The door had been pried open easily. My hands shook as I pushed open wider stepping in without taking my shoes off. After all there will be more to clean up than dirt if Akito had let her steam out on Tohru. This thought scared me even more. How bad was she hurt? After all Akito was known for the cruel things she had done. She had even pushed Rin out the second story window once.**

"_**Tohru? Tohru, where are you? Are you okay?"**_

**All I could hear was my own heartbeat fluttering like the flapping of a hummingbird's wings. I strained my ears to hear anything other than my heart or my frantic breathing but there was nothing to hear. I tried to call out to her again but my voice was lost, strangled. As I walked around the first floor I began to picture the worst case scenario. The one thing I wish I had never even thought of. Just the thought of it had proved to be too much. With every bit of hope left in my body I found my voice and called out to her again as I stepped into her room on the second floor.**

**It was then that I had found her. She was crawled up into a ball in the corner of the room. Her eyes were wide with fear and she was mumbling to herself too fast for me to understand. I could feel my legs becoming weaker. It took everything I had to remain standing until I reached her. Her face was pale and there were endless tears drowning her face.**

"_**Tohru, it's okay now. I'm here."**_

**My voice sounded so weak and helpless that I doubted that I had even helped a little. I watched as her eyes quickly darted over to me and next thing I knew she was crying harder. She just went into hysteria; I could only make out some of the words that had escaped her lips within those few seconds. She wanted me to leave, so that Akito wouldn't hurt someone, her perhaps? I still don't know. I tried to reach out to her to give her comfort but she slapped my hand away and she screamed at me something so incomprehensible that I swore that it was in a different language. I wanted to hug her so much, to wrap my arms around her and tell her that nothing would ever hurt her if she just stayed with me from now on but every time I reached for her she would go into anther hysteria.**

**Finally I had to give up. I darted down the stairs and called Hatori on Shigure's house phone. Not telling him what for. Just in case he had me on speaker, like he always liked to.**

**But I guess the frantic sound in my voice had drawn everyone too, because once Hatori arrived I could see everyone behind him asking questions at me already. I didn't care I pulled Hatori upstairs and led him to Tohru's room.**

**It had seemed in my short absence she had made herself extremely active. She had somehow managed to pack all her clothes into her suitcase and she was already grabbing her coat when Hatori and I stepped in. even with her so active we could both see the terror in her eyes. It pained me so much. I grabbed my shirt in the middle of my chest and looked down. All I could feel was this pain and sorrow. She wouldn't allow me to come near her to make her feel better. Hatori was my only other option. He could probably help her. It's probably something psychological that Akito did, maybe Hatori can erase the visit from Akito in Tohru's mind. Maybe even erase Akito completely from her memory.**

**Hatori shoved me out of the room into the hall with everyone else and closed the door. It was a long wait and everyone was barraging me with questions. I answered none and even though they noticed I wasn't going to answer they came up with their own stories. Some blamed Akito, most blamed me. I don't blame them after the way I had snapped in front of them they probably think I had taken it out on her. But I only saw one thing. The wooden door that separated me and Tohru. And I pained to be able to hug her to comfort her to just calm her at least a little.**

**When the door finally opened I held my breath. Hoping to see blushing Tohru to come out stare at her feet and stammer an apology. But my hopes were fatal. Hatori stepped out and it was then that I realized that I was the only one left in the hall and that everyone had moved to the living room long ago. I half heartedly followed Hatori being drawn to the room by her sweet presence. But my over powering need to know what happened pushed me to follow Hatori.**

**Once Hatori and I were in the room everything became still and all conversations stopped. It was Yuki that broke the silence first, his voice horse with worry.**

"_**Well? What's wrong with her?"**_

**But of course before Hatori couldn't get a word out, before Kyo glared at me and spoke his mind in that deep not so deadly tone of his.**

"_**You had better not have done anything to her you, little punk."**_

**I didn't feel in the mood to argue I just looked at Hatori intently waiting for him to tell us what on earth had happened to Tohru that****would make her snap so badly. Hatori turned to Kyo and gave him a nasty look of his own. **

"_**Don't pass the blame to Momitchi, Kyo. He's done nothing. Apparently on that fine walk Akito took just a while ago had led her here. She threatened Tohru. Her, her family, even us. Akito did something to her. Reminded her of some past pain that's causing her to react in this way."**_

"_**So we'll just talk to her. She'll get over it."**_

**My eyes rolled at Kyo's stupidity. Things weren't always simple like that. One little shove, like Kyo had done to me just an hour ago, can cause someone to snap. Badly. So to cover up Kyo's idiotic request I decided to ask a question of my own.**

"_**What can we do? To help her I mean."**_

**Hatori then looked downcast to the floor. He didn't answer. And some how I knew the answer. And this answer I didn't welcome at all. I jumped up from my chair and while letting it fall backwards onto the floor I stared at Hatori. Everyone still had a puzzled look on their face. I didn't want to accept the fact that her memory of all of us would have to be erased. No that's not what I wouldn't accept. I was selfish. I wouldn't accept the fact that she would have to forget **_**me**_**. I went up the stairs as I heard Hatori confirm my exact thoughts to the others.**

"_**There's no other way but to erase her memory. Of all of us."**_

**I heard a few gasps and Kyo yelling but it was all too low for me to hear. All I could hear was my fluttering heartbeat and intense breathing. When I opened the door I saw that Hatori had already begun the process as Tohru laid in the bed looking more at rest then she had when Hatori first closed the door. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know what I was planning to do. I saw her sleeping there and I just wanted to hug her, to kiss her. But then it hit me. I would leave her something that she could be reminded of me. I mean after all, am I really that bad a memory?**

**So I raced over to her bookshelf and heaved out the photo album. I scanned through the pages as fast as I could, hoping they were still debating on what was bound to happen anyways. I took out my favorite picture of me and her; both holding hands smiling, happy. I grabbed a pen from her desk and scrawled our names and the three words I wish I had said to her sooner. I knew that if I put it somewhere obvious Hatori or someone else would find it. So as quick as a flash I went to her suitcase a quickly found what I was searching for. Her diary. I opened it swiftly and placed the picture in the center of the book.**

**Then I locked it.**

**I tore the 2 keys off the string they were attached to in the book and keeping one for myself I took her key and placed it on her chain as she slept. I put the small book into a hidden zipper pocket and closed her suitcase. I looked at her again while shoving my copy of the diary key into my pocket. What if it didn't work? What if this was the last time she would know who I am?**

**Could this be the last time we can ever be together?**

**I let the sorrow surround me. I went over to her in the bed and kneeled by her. Taking her hand. I watched as her eyes fluttered half way opened. And just so she would know, somewhere in her mind, I decided I would tell her.**

"_**Tohru, I will always love you."**_

**I could see her eyes beginning to close again as if she was just having a dream but I could see a small smile playing on her lips.**

"_**I…"**_

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_**I hope you enjoyed the story.**_

_**And hope that you read the second chapter: finding love again.**_

_**If you want to suggest anything, or comment, please send me a review.**_

_**~Rima**_


	2. Chapter 2: finding what was lost

_**DISCLAIMER: I do not own anything relating to fruba. The only thing I own is the plot.**_

_**************************************************************_

**And with that she closed her eyes and fell back to sleep.**

**With her eyes closing, my eyes opened. To find that I had finally fallen to sleep just to dream about that very day. I guess it was time for my rude awakening and rouse for the present day ahead of me.**

**Then something hit me. I had never dreamt of exactly how it had all happened; there was always a horrible twist that never actually occurred. Was today going to be different? **

**Was today the day that maybe, just maybe, I'll be able to find Tohru?**

**My hands instinctively moved to my chain around my neck, where I kept Tohru's diary key at all times.**

**After her memory was erased of us she went to live with her grandfather. But not too long afterwards he passed away. And instead of taking Tohru with them, her aunt, uncle, and cousin all moved without notice. After Tohru changed schools and moved the Sohma family lost track of her. And no one ever heard from her again. And while she was long gone and everyone still missed Tohru, many accepted the fact that they probably will never see her again. Yuki is dating Machi. Kyo is with Kagura. Everyone just seems to be moving on.**

**Everyone. But me.**

**I refuse to forget Tohru. I refuse to give up on her. I won't stop searching for her.**

**I was brought away from my thoughts as Haru walked in.**

"_**Why is it you're always clutching that thing?"**_

**I could feel a real smile spread across my face. Someone pointing out anything I'm doing that helps me remember Tohru was like realizing she wasn't a dream. That she actually existed. I felt myself shrug as I placed my happy go lucky mask on. So no one would have to see how much pain I'm really going through. There hasn't been anther person that can actually see through this mask after Tohru.**

"_**Dude, really, you need a girl. Face the facts. No one has seen her in a year. You don't have to forget her, just move on."**_

**I rolled my eyes my mask still in place, like a second nature.**

"_**You just think I should use my freedom to finally hug girls and pick one up every night at a club."**_

**When Haru simply nodded I strained to make my smiles wider. Forcing it.**

"_**You're not going to are you?"**_

**I could just shake my head. I knew that if I had to say it my mask would crack and I couldn't even risk that.**

**Haru sat in my chair at my desk and I laid scrawled across my bed.**

"_**She**__**would want you to be happy, Momiji. Wouldn't she?"**_

**It's funny how everyone got into the habit that if they really wanted to talk about Tohru they would never say her name. It was always **_**she**_**.**

"_**Fine. How about I help you today?"**_

**I snapped up into sitting position to look at him. I gave him an innocent and confused look but he looked like he was going to slap me.**

"_**Don't play stupid. Everyone knows you've been trying find **_**her**_** ever since everyone's curse was broken"**_

**Ah, yes, the curse. Thank goodness, that I'm not bound to that stupid idiot, Akito, any more. But then I froze.**

"_**Did…did you say everyone?"**_

**Damn. Am I really that transparent? Man I got to kick up a notch or two. But as I saw Haru nod I couldn't help but think I should raise it up a few dozen times.**

**I thought through his offer. I hadn't been doing to well with finding out where she was. And some extra help could be a lot of use. But when I'm working on trying to find her I have to let my mask go. Should I really let Haru see me like that? Seeing Haru watching me now, attentively like I could snap at any moment I decided using the mask was making everyone more nervous then it might have without it.**

"_**Okay. But you have to keep up."**_

"_**I'm sure I can."**_

**I rolled my eyes. He never saw me working to find Tohru. It was like I would freeze up if I saw a picture I would just start crying. It would be humiliating to let Haru see me that way. But I would go through anything just to get Tohru back. **_**Anything**_**. **

"_**Where have you been getting your information from?" **_** Ah ha, so I wasn't so transparent.**

"_**Shigure, school records, family tree. That's about it. I've been coming up fruitless though."**_

**I could see he was puzzled when I said Shigure. Of course he was. Shigure had only told me, during that painful week, to keep me standing. I swore not to tell anyone, because Akito might turn on him if she found out that Shigure has been providing her with money to support her if anything should happen. But he wouldn't tell me where she was. So as I calmly told Haru all that I knew and I realized had to give Shigure a heads up or it might cost us. After all Akito is still the head of the family by birth right.**

**Haru and I started off to Shigure's house first. I had to tell him Haru knew and try to get him into telling us something, anything else. I went in first, Haru staying outside while I told Shigure. The only reason Shigure understood? Haru was going to help me. But he didn't realize I was going to use black Haru to get info out of him. So when Haru came in I went up to Tohru's room to get anything I could that would help.**

**I came down soon enough with a few of Tohru's things. A picture of only her, one of her blue ribbons, and her favorite music cd. Shigure was sitting across from Haru and they were both talking and smiling. As I stepped in they grew quieter, seeing the things I carried.**

"_**Do you really think those things will help you find her?"**_

**I shrugged my shoulders not bothering to put my mask on as I placed the items on the table and sat down at the head of it. I glanced over at Haru and he smiled.**

"_**He sure talks a lot when **_**I **_**threaten him"**_

**I shook my head. Shigure was **_**unbelievable**_**. If I knew he was going to give up so much information to Haru I would have gotten Haru to help me months ago. **

"_**So? What do we know now?" **_**shooting an agitate glance at Shigure I turned my attention back to Haru for the new found information.**

"_**She's somewhere in Nara. We don't know where all he knows is that she works as a waitress at a restaurant. The other set back is? We don't know which one." **_**I sighed. I glanced down at the photo, her smiling face. I gazed at Shigure, newfound determination in me.**

"_**How have you been giving her money? Where have you been leaving it for her?"**_

"_**I've been placing it her mother's bank account. The money is always transferred to her account she must take it out because whenever I check her account there's**__**less there then what I put in." **_**he paused to take a sip from his tea. My patience was fading. He was finagling telling me some useful information and he decides to cut it short? I ran my fingers through my hair to hide my agitation. **

"_**But other wise from that I don't know. Besides that she has her own home."**_

**I stood up without hesitation. I started walking over to the entrance to get my shoes. I had to get a ticket to Nara. Now. Obviously Haru and Shigure knew what I was up to so Shigure sent his luck and Haru left to start packing our stuff. Apparently I wasn't allowed to go by myself. He would have Hatori drop him off at the train station with our bags. I just nodded and continued to the train station.**

**As I waited for Haru to arrive with our stuff I clutched the objects in my hand. Her picture, the ribbon, the cd, and those tickets that would allow Haru and me onto the train straight to Nara within the next hour. Those tickets gave me hope. They would lead me to Nara. To Tohru.**

**Once Haru and I boarded the train I couldn't hold in those hopes, the happiness, anymore. As the train pulled away from the station at full speed and I could see the city racing past me I could feel those tears running down my face. I might finally be able to find Tohru.**

**When we arrived I wanted to search every inch of the city for Tohru but Haru practically dragged me to a hotel to put our stuff away. I have to admit it though. The penthouse we were able to get, thanks to the Sohma name, was **_**pretty**_** sweet. I dragged my bag over to my room, Haru called the one closest to the kitchen. The pig. But I liked mine's anyways. It had a view over the city and from the wall size window I could see the sun setting in then west. As soon as I finished packing I admired the sight for a second, my hand clutching the key on my chain, and smiled to myself. I was finally going to find her.**

"_**Haru! Come on, let's start searching!"**_

**Of course the lazy bum was already closing his eyes to get some rest in his bed. I shoved his shoulders to wake him up and he grumbled under his breath. But I wasn't giving up; I was going to start looking for Tohru today. With or without him.**

"_**Momiji, come on. We just took a three hour train ride over here. And it's already seven. We can search for her tomorrow."**_

"_**Fine. You stay here and sleep. I'm going out." **_**I spoke calmly and he opened one eye to look at me.**

"_**Your not going out to look for her, are you?"**_

**I shook my head, mentally slapping him. Of course I was going out to look for her! But I knew he wasn't going to let me go, so I made up a lie that wasn't too far from the truth.**

"_**Nah, I'm going to get something to eat"**_

**Before he could stop me I went to the front door, grabbing my coat on the way, and walked out. As soon as I was out I took a deep breath. I wasn't coming back until I have some clue of her whereabouts. I started walking on the road and stopped at the first restaurant and gazed through the window. The restaurant was nice but it didn't have waiters. It was a buffet. As I continued down the road I stopped at every restaurant. Some didn't have waiters, so I just walked right on by. Others that did I walked in and asked for the manager; and when they finally showed up I would show them Tohru's picture that was safely tucked away in my coat. But by the time it was ten o' clock I had made it to the center of the city and still no one has recognized Tohru from her picture.**

**I was becoming hungry myself so when I reached the next restaurant that had servers I went straight to a table and ordered from one of the waiters. I could see the waitresses walking by in short skirts, and some of the pig headed men leaning their heads so they could see their asses as they walked away.**

"_**May I take your order?"**_

**My head shot up to the waitress taking the order of the table across from me. Tohru! It was Tohru! My heart skipped several beats before kicking into overdrive. She looked so lovely and her smile was still on her face. I could feel the heat rising to my cheeks. She was the same person I had fallen in love with. If not, more caring than ever; I could hear it in her tone. Her unconditional love radiating off of her like her own special aura. I was so happy to see her. But I was frozen. What was I going to do? Call her? She doesn't know me anymore. She won't recognize me anymore than a common stranger.**

**So I just sat there. And as I got my fried noodles and rice I had watch her come in and out of the kitchen four times. **

**I stayed there until closing and stayed outside until I saw her leave in her normal clothes and a bag swung over one shoulder. I followed after her all the way to comfy little home. It was a two story white house with little blue shutters, a red wooden door and cute picket fence. The little home had a porch with an old time movie porch swing in its corner. Tohru had walked briskly on her walk home and I had stayed far behind her. **

**As she walked up to the porch I didn't hide, as I should have. I just stood there watching her as she slid into the porch swing facing the wall. She pulled out that dairy I had locked so long ago. Now the book wasn't even locked and the pages were worn out and she automatically opened it to a page were the picture of us was placed. She took the picture out, placing the book in her bag and tossing it under the swing. She stared at the picture for a few moments then looked up at the sky. I couldn't hear what she was saying so I stepped closer.**

"_**Momiji? Sometimes I wonder who the one lost is. Did I lose you or did you lose me? Are you gone for good? Sometimes I feel like I am the lost one. I don't know what happened after my mother's death. Memories of three years are just…gone. I don't even know who you are. I must be the lost one, and hopefully mom can help me find you."**_

**I couldn't take it anymore. She was talking to **_**me**_**. Like when she would talk to her mom. She was trying to talk to me, even when we were so far apart. So quietly, as she laid her head on her knees to ogle at the picture of both of us, I stepped up to the porch and stopped at the stairs.**

"_**Well, then I'm finding what was lost, aren't I?"**_

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_**I hope you enjoyed the story.**_

_**And hope that you read the second chapter: finding love again.**_

_**If you want to suggest anything, or comment, please send me a review.**_

___**~Rima**_


	3. Chapter 3

_**DISCLAIMER: I do not own anything relating to fruba. The only thing I own is the plot.**_

_**Please review.**_

_**I hope you enjoy Tohru's side of the story as well.**_

_**************************************************************_

**Her head snapped up and she looked over at me her eyes soggy with tears. I could see the realization in her eyes, but I could also see the uncertainty in them as well.**

"_**Momiji…kun? You **_**are**_** Momiji kun, right?"**_

**I smiled at her and nodded. I knew there was no going back and as I saw the tears in her eyes fall faster I knew I didn't want to go back. I wouldn't go back. I stepped up onto the porch and sat next to her on the porch swing.**

"_**Oh, my! I…I finally get to see you! I have so much to ask. I don't even know where to start."**_

**I smiled down at her bending down to kiss her forehead and I placed my lips beside her ear.**

"_**Start anywhere. I have all night."**_

**She looked up at me and backed away so she could sit cross-legged, facing me. She fiddled with her hands for a few seconds until I took them in my own.**

"_**It is me, Tohru. You don't have to worry. You can ask me anything. Anything at all."**_

**She just nodded her head and took a deep breath. **

"_**How do you know me?" **_**her voice was shaky, so as I smiled ready to answer I rubbed her hand with my thumb.**

"_**You lived with my cousins; Shigure, Yuki, and Kyo, those three years after your mother died. I met you through them."**_

**She looked at me, a look in her eye I had never seen in them before. They seemed so…lost.**

"_**You…met the whole Sohma family, but the head, Akito, didn't like you. Because she felt that you were taking everything away from her. I'm not so good at explaining things but if you; you really want to know what happened in those years you're just going to have to trust me."**_

**I could see her looking at me. The complete trust in her eyes almost made me want to cry myself.**

"_**I came to find you, with anther one of my cousins; I have a lot of cousins. We're staying at a hotel pretty far from here. You can come back with me. Stay over in the hotel room for the night and in the morning we can go to the house you stayed in during those three years."**_

**I didn't want to pressure her. To push her into coming with me; no matter how much I wanted her to. If she was happy in this life I won't be the reason to pull her away. I'll only take her away if she chooses to. Only then could I take her back, try to give her those lost memories back. My hands shook, I didn't want to say it, but I had to give her a choice.**

"_**Only if you want though. You can stay here. You don't **_**have**_** to come with me."**_

**I think she saw my resistance to tell her that. She could have probably been able to tell that I really did want her to come. It was searing off of me; through my trembling hands, my shaking voice, my posture, even the way I couldn't look at her in the eye when I said it. But my stuttering heart was put to rest when she smiled lightly and clasped my hand.**

"_**I want to. I want to go with you. But I need to pack. I have the feeling this might be a long trip."**_

**Her smile warmed me as she pulled me up with her, dropping my hand as she got her bag from underneath the swing and went to open the door. As she stepped in I just sat on the porch, trying to get my thoughts together, then she poked her head back out.**

"_**You could come in, Momiji kun."**_

"_**Oh! Right, coming."**_

**I smiled at her as I gracefully walked into the cozy little home. She asked me if I wanted anything from the kitchen like I wasn't a stranger to her. Well of course in truth I wasn't but she doesn't remember me now so it's nice to know she would still treat me with such welcoming. I refused the recommendation but offered to help her pack. I was actually pretty happy that she said yes because in truth I just didn't want to leave her side. Not now that I finally found her again. I wanted to be there beside her no matter what happened after this.**

**So I followed her up the stairs and into a little furnished room. It looked quite comfy, with all its pillows.**

**The bed was big and fluffy. The pink quilt thrown over it looked warm and the red and white pillows gave off a girlish but adult like manner. The beanbag chairs on the rug gave the room the teenager coated radiance. But the window, with its plush throw pillow to sit on, gave off a more inner peace shine that pulled everything together.**

**I smiled. It all just seemed exactly at how I imagined Tohru's room would look like if she chose her own furniture. She went to her closet and yanked out her suitcase. It was the only one she ever had and I could barely with stand my laughter. She had never used any other suitcase. Ever. Soon enough we had packed it full with clothes, some of her supplied too; toothbrush, hair brush, and shoes.**

"_**Wow. That's a lot of stuff. Are you sure we didn't over pact, Momiji kun?"**_

"_**yeah I'm sure. After all you might be gone for a long time. Who knows?"**_

**I shrugged with a smile. When she tried to carry it she nearly fell to the floor, the bag heading for straight on top of her. So I grabbed it before it could and held her up with my other arm.**

"_**I think I should carry this."**_

"_**yeah, me too."**_** She said it so breathlessly I couldn't help but laugh.**

**So while I clutched to the bag while going down the stair Tohru decided to call a cab to take us to the hotel, so I wouldn't have to carry it so far. And truthfully, I was thankful. It really was heavy, it nearly knocked me breathless. So I dropped the suitcase off at the porch and went back inside to find Tohru in the kitchen looking through her diary.**

"_**Does it say anything about me in there?"**_

**She practically jumped three feet in the air, my apology stifled by laughter. But she smiled back and shook her head.**

"_**It's all from time I do remember. Living with my mom, my old friends; Uo-chan and Hana- chan. Nothing about you…I was wondering about that too. How come I don't remember you?"**_

**My eyes turned mournful and I pulled her closer by her waist, saying the closest thing to the truth.**

"_**You have amnesia, Tohru. To help you move on with your life your memories of us, Sohmas, had to be erased. But I was selfish. I didn't want you to forget me, Tohru. I didn't want to lose you forget you, so I left you that picture."**_

**I wanted so much for her to hug me back, for her to tell me that she did remember me. That she knew that I loved her and to tell me loved me back. But I knew she wouldn't. But I couldn't help but hope. I may not have gotten all of that but she did hug me back. This was the first time I had ever hugged her without transforming. It felt so good to have her in **_**my**_** arms. I was just simply amazed at how right it felt to have her there in my arms. Beautiful Tohru, God, how much I wanted her to be mine.**

**I didn't know what it is that draws me to him. I mean, all he really ever was to me was a stranger I didn't know in that picture I always carried with me. Did he really know me for those years after my mom died? I didn't know. All I knew is that I didn't like those sad words that he had said. It felt like a tear was growing in me. So when he hugged me I wanted nothing more than to hug him back.**

**But I don't understand these feelings. Why was it that when I embraced him around his ribs with his arms wrapped around my shoulders I never wanted to move? That even when he squeezed me tighter that it wasn't tight enough? How come I felt like that we were like puzzle pieces fitting perfectly into each others arms?**

**Why did I love him so much already?**

"_**Tohru, I know you already know, but I just want to say it. I love you."**_

**His hot breath was on my ear and I could feel the heat rising to my cheeks. But I couldn't say anything, I was speechless. I couldn't be sure how I felt about him until I knew who he really was. Until I remembered him. So I ducked my head, hiding it against his chest and nodding. I could feel his chest rumble.**

"_**You always have been a shy one when it comes to romance, Tohru. But I find that awfully cute."**_

**Oh, God! He said this while nuzzling into my neck and I could feel my face becoming even hotter. But of course, even at times like this, my girlish instincts kicked in and I found myself giggling. The giggle was so high pitched and giddy that I mentally slapped myself. Good grief. Once I admit to myself that I like a guy I become a squealing little girl tripping over herself after the guy, and from there it could only go down hill. Once again I hid my face in Momiji kun's chest. But this time so I didn't have to look at him in the eyes after my fan girl attribute a few seconds ago. I could feel his chest rumble with laughter again and he gave me anther squeeze.**

"_**I just realized how much more I missed you. so much more than I thought I…"**_

**He was interrupted with the sound of the cab's horn from out front. I immediately separated from him and dashed to the porch so he wouldn't drive off. Momiji kun was right behind me when I turned around to grab the bag. He had already slung it over onto his back and nudged me forward playfully.**

"_**Go on, I got this."**_

**So I did as I was told, though I looked back at him a few time as we headed down to the car. I really am hopeless. I slid into the car and left the door open for Momiji to climb in, after he tossed my bag into the trunk. Once he was in beside me he gave the driver the address to the most expensive hotel in Nara. I could see in the mirror that my eyes weren't the only ones wide when I heard where we were going. Even with all of his good looks, Momiji was practically rich, too! He looked at me with such innocence. Obviously not understanding why me and the driver were in such a state of shock. Soon enough though we were cruising through the streets during the twilight hours. I could feel my eyelids dropping; I could barely keep them open. But I didn't want to make Momiji kun have to carry me **_**and**_** my bag. So forced myself to stay awake.**

**Of course once we got to the hotel, and I saw it up close for the first time, even after living in Nara for so long, I was jumping with excitement. Momiji kun smiled down at me after getting the suitcase from the taxi's trunk. He obviously must off saw the sparkle in my eyes because he quickly asked me if I had ever been here. Of course I couldn't lie to him. Not only because I wanted to keep a straight record with him; but because when I went to answer him and looked up at him I could feel my heart melt. He looks at me so gently! I swear I would've jumped into his arms right then and there. Of course he chuckled at me, hearing so. I knew I shouldn't have told him! But I couldn't regret it as he kissed the top of my head and took my hand to lead my up to his suit.**

"_**a penthouse!"**_

**I couldn't help but scream it when I found out as we were riding up the elevator to the top floor. Of course when I screamed he jumped so high I thought he was going to hit his head on the ceiling of the elevator. But after clutching his chest for a few seconds he turned to me with a wistful smile.**

"_**I see you still get flustered with things concerning money."**_

**I blushed looking away. I had to admit though he has been dead on about a lot of things. I was starting to think I may actually have amnesia. When I looked up at him again, while we were still only half way up, he looked deeply troubled.**

"_**what is it Momiji kun?"**_

"_**well, you see Tohru chan; my cousin doesn't really know your coming. And you probably won't remember him. His name is Hatsuharu. Everyone just calls him Haru. The only thing is he **_**will **_**remember you so if he says something you don't know, or really remember, just tell him. Okay?"**_

**He looked so conscience as he glanced over at me. I decided he wasn't teasing me so I simply nodded. And I think my heart skipped several beats when he pulled me to him once again. I have to admit though I felt comfortable in his arms, pressed into his chest. **

"_**When I lost you, Tohru, it was like loosing my life."**_

**Heat rose to my cheeks at the passion of his affection. Then, too soon, the elevator doors opened and he let me go to drag my luggage over to the only door in the long corridor. I didn't know what to expect Momiji kun's cousin to look like, but I quickly found out. As soon as Momiji kun opened the door, he stepped in front of me. I heard someone, I presume Haru, yelling at him. Something about leaving to look for me. Lying? My body became chilled.**

**Was Momiji kun lying to me?**

"_**calm down Haru. I'm sorry. yes, I lied to you so I could go search for Tohru."**_

**I felt my whole body warmed. He lied to Haru, not me. I was so relived that I missed whatever it was Haru had said that had Momiji kun smile at me from over his shoulder. The act had caught Haru's eye and he looked at me and the bag beside Momiji kun for the first time. After glancing at my bag he looked at me again. Next thing I knew a broad smile replaced his frown and he skidded over to me and wrapped me into a big bear hug. He even lifted me off the floor! I gasped at the sudden show of affection. Just a moment ago he was lecturing Momiji kun, now he was here hugging me! What in the world was going on? Then I know what he shouted something I should've saw coming by Momiji kun's warning in the elevator.**

"_**Tohru! I missed you! we finally found you! I can't believe it!"**_

**Once Haru put me on my feet he apologized repeatedly, realizing that I had forgotten who he was. But Momiji kun smiled at me reassuringly and put my bag in one of the rooms. Then he spoke to Haru about the plans to leave tomorrow mourning to Shigure's house. I heard him say it so many times I think I finally got the right name. As we each sat on the couches I listened to Momiji's tale of how he found me. I gasped when I heard that he had followed me from the restaurant. I was surprised that I didn't even notice him. But I could feel the excitement close and my eyelids began to drop again. This time though I didn't fight them, I quickly fell asleep and leaned onto Momiji kun while doing so. A could feel the familiar feeling of his rumbling chest as her laughed and I felt him pick me up. Next thing I knew I could feel the soft cushion of the bed beneath me and the feathery and warm quilt being pulled over me, heating me in the cold winter night.**

**But as I drifted into sleep I prayed for two things.**

**One: that Momiji kun wouldn't leave my side.**

**Two: I wouldn't talk in my sleep.**

**I dragged the comfy reading chair from the corner over to the bedside so I could stay with her. I wasn't going to leave her side until they tore me away when I was cold and dead. She was already deep into sleep and I was beginning to feel restless reaching to me when I heard her speak. She spoke so clearly that I swore she was awake, but when I looked at her through the pitch black I could see that she was still asleep.**

**I remembered that Hatori said that when you erased one's memory it might affect them subconsciously. This must be an effect, because I know for certain that Tohru had never had a sleep talking problem.**

"_**you told me you loved me that night"**_

**I nearly jumped out of my skin. **_**That night?**_** Was she referring to the night when I had placed the picture into her diary?**

"_**I thought I would never see you again."**_

**I could feel the tears rising. She was trying to talk to me through her subconscious. To let me know that she knows who I am, somewhere in her mind. I wanted to hear more. I wanted to keep listening to her with that voice with such remembrance. But she had gotten her message through to me. And that was all she wanted. After that she did say a word.**

**In the morning I woke up, the curtains pulled across the wall long window. I was staring at Tohru hoping to hear her say, at least, one more thing. I was about to give up when I finally heard that sweet voice.**

_**************************************************************_

_**I hope you enjoyed the story.**_

_**And hope that you read the fourth chapter: riding of amnesia.**_

_**If you want to suggest anything, or comment, please send me a review.**_

_**~Rima**_


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